Love can be a great thing or just something most of us wish we can do without. But we all want love. Or just to be loved. I want to be loved. And that I am, by many people. But the one person that counts the most is the man I spend the rest of my life with.
A friend came to me and said she was having problems with her husband. She said that he was leaving her. She didn’t want this. She shook her head back and fourth and held back her tears. I stood there trying to be strong for her because I didn’t want her to cry. “Be strong.” I said. And she looked back into her home and saw him walking around. She sighs. “Yeah, I will be.”
Weeks went by and I saw them together. She said they were working things out. They were getting help from their church to deal with it and not argue with each other. And that seemed to be working out just fine. They went off on a trip together for the holiday. Since then, I didn’t bring it up again. I just smiled and said to them both to have a great time. I suspected that maybe he knew that I knew about them, but I didn’t show it.
I took care of their cat while they were gone. And I noticed on their frig a contract agreeing that they would work things out and that he would move out and find a place. Then they both signed it. I stood there and said to myself, “What a shame. They really are going to spilt up.”
They came back home and I didn’t see her for a few more weeks. I knew she was home, but she didn’t come out. I went out to sweep my patio and saw him walking to his house with boxes. I turned my head away and kept sweeping. “Hey!” I turned around to him. “Hi there.” He walks over to my patio and says, “You know, it never stays clean.” It didn’t register at that moment. Then I realized. “Oh yeah, I know. With the Santa Ana winds blowing, yeah. I just thought I’d clean it up since we’re having company today.” He said something else, but I can’t remember. All I did was smile and talk to him like nothing was wrong.
It’s hard going through these kinds of things. The last thing you want are the neighbors near by knowing your business. It could get embarrassing.
The door bell rings. Mas calls me and I come running down the stairs. “Hi there!” Says my friend. I figured I’d wait till she came to us. I didn’t want to go over there to check on her and walk into an ackward situation.
“I just wanted to let you both know that I’m moving out.” I was surprised because I thought he was going to move out. Most of the time it’s the man that leaves the house behind to the wife, but in this case she was leaving and moving into an apartment far enough away that she wouldn’t have to run into him.
I took her upstairs to talk. Figured I’d leave Mas out of some mushy women talk. We went up to my bedroom and sat on the bed and talked. I could smell beer seeping out of her pours. Reminded me of men who drink and come home smelling. Either way, I could smell it. She was a wreck and I knew that from that moment on, she was going to get even worse. Being alone after 20 years is hard. Leaving your comfortable surroundings is hard. Not sleeping next to the person you had by your side for 20 years is going to be hard to get over. And I thought...she’s going to be okay. But then she revealed some things that took me in a whole new direction. He was unfaithful to her for 4 years. All I could think after she told me this was that this was going to mess her up big time. She’s going to have nightmares. She’s going to be angry for a long time. How can a person, at 52, cope with such a blow to the heart, especially when her husband was leaving her to be with another man?
She needed to leave the house. He had brought his lover there several times and all she could think of was where they were. What they were doing. How they were doing it. She looked as if she was going to pull her hair out in front of me. She had been betrayed. And worse, he could have exposed her to the things we fear of the most. Diseases.
He’s ready to move on, while she is devastated and lost. It’s hard to start over again. It’s going to be a roller coaster of emotions for her. He’s become cold, while her emotions cause her to scream at him. The more and more she realizes things, it hits her hard. She found lover emails. Gay chat rooms. She sat there shocked. She wondered what was he thinking all these years. Why wasn’t he honest with her? He was just afraid to admit it. He didn’t want to hurt her. But does that mean a part of him loved her and didn’t want to lose her?
One day she will feel she’s okay. Then the next she’ll be angry and thoughts will fly through her head. She’ll scream. She’ll kick and throw things. She’ll cry in the tub with the shower running over her. She will struggle to get it out of her system. But at the end, she will be her again. She will smile. And she will get another chance to find someone to love and truly love her.
I wish her well.
